Warung Bebas

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Blatent Advertisement for Apartment Rental

Cute, newly renovated, island style shabby chic (that's a code word for - nothing matches), AIR CONDITIONED, 1 bedroom, upper apartment located on Avenida Hicaco (Front Street) Caye Caulker, Belize
Hot & cold water, micro-mini-wave, coffee maker, cd player, cable TV, fully furnished, able to sleep 3 comfortably (day bed in livingroom), large rooms, private bath, full kitchen, with stove and small refridge. Rent it short or long term. Daily $50 U.S. plus hotel tax, 3 day minimum, or monthly $750 U.S. plus $500 security deposit (no hotel tax on monthly rental). Price includes water, electricity, and gas for cooking. Visa & Mastercard accepted with 5% service fee.
Any takers?

Don't you dig the posh plastic dining room chairs? Do you like how high all the pictures are hung? That's because a GIANT hung them at eye level. After that little job, I fired Bigness as the interior decorator.

Bigness LOVES formica. No Belizean natural hardwoods for us, no siree!

Ah, yes, the Kinky Sex Den of Iniquity, eerrrr I mean the Love Chamber complete with air conditioning, just in case you get too HHHOOOOTTTTT. Just remember the landlady lives next door... remember the movie Psycho????????????????? (evil cackle) Geeezzzz I must have inhaled too much bleach fumes today.

Illustration Friday - Cold


Cold Blue Eggs in the morning sun. I sorta cheated, this is a "photo llustration" it started off as a color photo of cold brown eggs in the morning light, I made it into a greyscale image, taking all the color out, then back into a rgb, where I tinted it with blue in the midtones and red in the shadows, then I applied some photoshop filters and voila.

The Story of Freaky White Granny

I have to type really fast because I'm supposed to be washing windows right now. Bigness has gone downstairs to continue working on "The Renovation" (another upcoming blog entry)

Freaky White Granny first came to Caye Caulker in May for her daughter's wedding. She's a retired kindergarden teacher from Brooklyn. I met the daughter (nice girl), but we don't serve booze or crack in the art gallery, so I never met the mother, on that trip. The Kids decide to move to Belize in August. Daughter got a job teaching at a private school in San Pedro, on the next island over. 3 days after they move here, FWG shows up - much to their chagrin - and disgust. They had moved here to get away from her. FWG's boyfriend, Big Head Charles, had found a really nice place to stay - ala - Lee and Bigness's place. I was iffy about Big Head Charles, Bigness said "Don't worry babes de old lady is renting it, not the bwai." Bigness is WAY too casual about rentals, but I think he's learned his lesson now. Anyways, back to the story. Right after she rents, Bigness goes to Cuba, and I won't bore you with rehashing the kinky sex stories and eviction, you'll just have to read back in August. One thing Bigness did though was, when she went to him to turn in the keys, he lectured her. He told her that she was an embarrassment and a burden to her daughter and why didn't she just go home becaue people didn't want her here and she was a joke to everyone.
After our eviction, she rents from my friend, and is evicted from there. We are living on a party island - so its got to be pretty bad before its over the top here. I guess she cracked out all her money and couldn't pay the rent. The Kids payed her rent and feed her for a couple of nights, then buy her a $500 one-way ticket back to Brooklyn. She was supposed to leave on Oct. 1, she disappears on Sept 30. Disappeared, but left all her stuff at my friend's apartment. So my friend packs her crap up and the calls The Kids to come and pick it up. They are mortally embarrassed. I guess this is something that FWG does - all the time. I wish I could be a big burden to my kids, but they wouldn't put up with it. I would be a bag lady because they would practice "Tough Love" on me. Daughter has a brother back in Brooklyn, who is getting a respite from FWG, while she chases mother around paradise. So FWG shows up on Oct. 2, totally wasting the $500 plane ticket that the Kids buy, and wants to know where her stuff is.
My friend tells her - Look, we are all adults here, why don't you start acting like one.
She's still here, the Kids have disowned her, and she's renting a ghetto apartment.
Well I have to go now and finish scraping the crap off the living/dining/kitchen. I'll post pics later.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Before and the After

I'll get to the in between on the next blog entry.
The Before:
Just before we closed up I broke the espresso machine. The new espresso machine. The one we've only had since June... the expensive one... the one that I had to go to the U.S. to buy because no one will ship to Belize. I'm painting a picture here. I was just a leeeeeetle bit distracted by freaky white granny, crackheads, the police and the killer schedule. I also left Freaky White Grannys vacated apartment in the state of disarray and dirtiness that she left it in.
The After:
So we came back on the last boat on Tuesday evening, arriving on the island at about 6:30. In tow I had my big samsonite suitcase that you could put a small person in - filled with stinky dirty clothes, a big blue waterproof bin full of signed numbered matted prints that I worked on while on "vacation" the bin could hold a shetland pony. We also had 5 boxes of ceramic tile, 5 bags of thinset for grouting the tile. Oh, I forgot to mention the bin with my computer and monitor. Bigness had his little backpack - that's all. He keeps underwear at both houses and can get away with a couple pairs of shorts, because he goes shirtless most of the time, unless we are going to town. I'm not a clothes horse, but somebody's got to be responsible for the cream rinse and facial scrub.
So of course, the first thing I set up was my computer, which worked for about 5 minutes. Long enough to post to you all that I had arrived safe, then pfffft, the screen looked like it was melting, or some evil hacker had taken control of the screen. So I restarted and got 8 beeps. What the heck is 8 beeps? Well right after that the electricity went out, and contined to go off and on for the rest of the evening and most of the next day (Wednesday) So today I unplugged everything and plugged everything back in. I figured the way the side men slammed the bin around ad the slamming wave action worked something loose. I still don't know what 8 beeps means, but its not doing it anymore, so I fixed it, whatever it was.
Today:
I was woken up at 6 a.m. by the sound of a lawn mower. Lawn mower? Nobody I know has a lawn mower. People clear and clean with machette and weed whacker. I got up and went into the kitchen and looked (down) into the police yard and sure enough the police were mowing the sand lot. (sorry, no pictures this time.) I figure the Prime Minister must be coming.
They probably thought that I had gotten enough sleep and it was about daaaaayym time that I got up.
I know you are wondering what's happened to Freaky White Granny. So I won't disapoint you. She's still here on the island. She's renting an apartment from a friend of mine, who is a lot tougher than I am. She also doesn't live on the property that she manages. I have some jooooozy gossip about FWG (for later). I won't bore you with the nasty details about cleaning up other people's messes, like unclogging the shower drain from granny's bleached blond hair, or the strange grease stains on the wall at the head of the bed, or the... o.k. I'll stop there and leave your imagination to do the rest.
I'll leave you with this photo. I took this shot in Placencia. This little periwinkle was growing up from a crack in the sidewalk. It reminded me of the Courage card iun the Osho Zen tarot deck. So I've called this peice Courage.

I nabbed this (text) straight from the osho.com website.

Courage
The seed cannot know what is going to happen, the seed has never known the flower. And the seed cannot even believe that he has the potentiality to become a beautiful flower. Long is the journey, and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed. Nothing can be guaranteed. Thousand and one are the hazards of the journey, many are the pitfalls - and the seed is secure, hidden inside a hard core. But the seed tries, it makes an effort; it drops the hard shell which is its security, it starts moving. Immediately the fight starts: the struggle with the soil, with the stones, with the rocks. And the seed was very hard and the sprout will be very, very soft and dangers will be many. There was no danger for the seed, the seed could have survived for millennia, but for the sprout many are the dangers. But the sprout starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing where, not knowing why. Great is the cross to be carried, but a dream possesses the seed and the seed moves. The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.
Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 4
Commentary:
This card shows a small wildflower that has met the challenge of the rocks and stones in its path to emerge into the light of day. Surrounded by an aura of bright golden light, it exposes the majesty of its tiny self. Unashamed, it is equal to the brightest sun. When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow. The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower you are meant to be.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I'm baaaaaack

More later.
 

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