Are them eyeballs under warranty?

I might have to send Bigness back to the evil Castro for more eye surgery, while he's still under warranty.
This morning he asked me if I wanted raisins in my porridge.
I said yes.
He set the bowl in front of me and had sprinkled chocolate chips on top.
I wasn't very successful at stifling a laugh.
That was GOOD!
New discovery.

Fact Checker and banana bread recipe

My friend - Fact Checker - has asked me for my banana bread recipe 3 times - and I've given it to her - 3 times. She always asks the same question: How do you get your banana bread so brown?
"I dunno." I answer.
The first time I met Fact Checker, she asked me if I was here on a work permit or residency. Well, that's a nice how-do-you do, its none of your business madam, kinda question, but since you asked, I have permanent residency and a business license. That shut her up, for about 30 seconds.
Fact Checker asks me, "Do you put coffee in it?"
"Coffee in banana bread?" I say, "I didn't know you could do that."
Well," Fact Checker says, "that's So and So's secret, the coffee."
"No, I dont use coffee." I reassure her. "I use espresso in the browines though"
Her eyes narrow, "Hmm. Then why does your turn out so brown?"
"I dunno" I say again.
Taking into consideration we are AT sea level, well maybe 3 feet above if you want to get real technical, I use a lot more levening than in a regular recipe. Plus I use a black angelfood cake pan (that's the real secret) Don't tell Fact Checker, let's drive her bazonkas for a little while longer.

So here's the super secret Coco Loco Cafe Banana Bread recipe:
Combine these ingredients in the blender
6 bananas
3 eggs
1 cup of milk - can be sour milk
1 cup of coconut oil
1-1/2 tablespoons of vanilla
1/4 cup of honey
3 tablespoons of baking powder
pinch of salt

Pour liquid ingredients in a bowl and then stir in dry ingredients
1-1/2 cups of unbleached sugar
3 cups of flour

I use Pam spray on the pan, and its a black teflon angelfood cake pan, not an aluminum sheet cake pan, so it stays in the oven longer than a sheet cake, because of its thickness.
After I put it in the oven for about 15 minutes I take it out and sprinkle walnuts on top, then return it to the oven for about another 30 minutes. If you put the walnuts on top before baking, they sink to the center of the cake.

I always check it for doneness by inserting a knife in the center, if it comes out clean, its done.

If I was a Paper Doll

If I was a paper doll, this is what I would look like, including the hair color, glasses, pink spongy platform sandles (with socks) and butterfly earrings.
You can make your own paper doll at http://elouai.com/doll-makers/candybar-doll-maker.php
Hours and hours of fun.

I want to read the Italian version of the "Rough Guide to Belize". I want to find the passage where it says "If you're really rude and obnoxious to Belizeans, you'll get better faster service." Arrrrggghhhh woof woof!

Lee's Rough Guide to Dating in Belize

Ladies, follow these 5 easy rules for relationship success
1. He can't be married or living with anyone. Any time you see a woman walking towards you with a machette, its not a good thing.
2. He has to have a job and be able to maintain himself. Tip off #1, if he's standing around shooting the breeze on the street in the middle of the day, he doesn't have a job.
3. The job can not be selling drugs. I know, I'm getting kinda picky here, but its for your own good that you do not date a crack dealer.
4. He can not be missing any of his top or bottom 4 front teeth. If he doesn't care anough about his oral hygeine, then you don't want him putting his mouth anywhere on you.
5. You can be broke OR crazy, but you can't be broke AND crazy.

A Belizean woman friend actually asked me this question the other day. "Don't they have men in America? Why do all the old white ladies come to Belize. Can't they get a man in their own country?"
I was stupefied.
I felt embarrassed, for myself and for all the old white ladies out there.
Then I laughed.
Right after that she revealed to me that she could NEVER live in the U.S. because you're not allowed to be prejudice.

What I did this week

Bigness and I went to Chetumal Mexico to buy printer parts, go to the Mall Las Americas, eat at MacDonalds and see a movie. Oh, we also went to smuggle peaches into Belize, but shh, don't tell anyone. Its about a 3 hour drive from our house on the mainland (which is between Belize City and Belmopan) to the northern border and the mall is about 20 minutes from the border on the Mexican side. One good thing about living in Belize is that we border a NAFTA country (Mexico) Until you've lived outside of NAFTA, you don't realize how important it is. My main complaint about Belize is the import duty, 20% plus 9% sales tax or more. The government is in such financial hot water that they have lowered the non-Belizean/Caricom exemption to 50 bzd ($25 U.S.) Citizens still get the $100 exemption when crossing the border. So it becomes a game with the customs man. While in Mexico we always buy the essentials, shampoo, cream rinse, deodorent and everything else personal, at about 1/2 of what we pay in Belize. Our routine is like this: we get up early, go to the mall, walk around oohing and ahhing about the new fangled gadgets, because we just came out of our cave, we eat a burger and fries, shop at Office Depot and Chedraui in air conditioned comfort. Bigness always buys 2 packs of underwear (I swear I'm not lying) I look at the cute clothes and sigh because even when I was 10 years old I could never fit into a 34B which is the largest bra size they carry in the land of Lilliput. They don't have people my size in Mexico. People look at us like giants, well they look at HIM, amd smile at me. Belizeans park in one area of the lot, you might meet up with your cousin Puni there. Strength in numbers. We take everything out of the packaging and hide hide hide. I've found the best place is right under my nasty stank underwear, or in a tampon box, and then I choose a male customs agent, who definitely aint gonna touch dat stinkness. At the end of the shopping we go to the movies and Bigness falls asleep about 1/2 way through, without fail. gggggzzzzz fffffffbbbbb gggggzzzzz fffffffbbbbb This trip we saw Coach Carter, it was is English subtitled in Spanish. The last trip we saw Spanglish, which was kinda confusing because the english was subtitled in Spanish and the Spanish was just Spanish. This trip, we deviated from the norm and did not spend the night in a Chetumal hotel, we left at sunset. With Bigness's newly aquired sight, thanks to the evil Castro, he can drive a night. We got home about 9 p.m. exhausted but happy at our stash of peaches, nectarines, guava, underwear, shampoo, hair dye, file folders, CDs and inkjet cartridges. The sunset photo is after crossing the border into Belize happily we go whizzing through the jungle on our way home, having cheated the customs man once again, with Bigness's newly aquired night vision. For me, I'll stay a passenger, and not a driver. Just an observer and not a participant.

I felt so EVIL when went to eat this peach. That is, until I licked the sweat off it and bit into the pungent sweetness, and the juice dropped off my chin. I'm vagugely reminded of a story about Samson and Delilah in the Bible where she said stolen fruits taste sweeter. Maybe that was stolen kisses. Am I going to Hell?