Tales From the Evil Waitress

I bet you're wondering where I've been. Last time I disappeared for this long I came back married. I stopped announcinng my departures a few months ago. Too many people on Caye Caulker read this blog and behave badly if they know for certain we're off the island. We never intended to be gone so long, but the check in calls went just like they did the last time I left to paint and paint and paint.
Me: Sooooooooo what's goin on...
Supergirl: Nothing
Me: How's business
Supergirl: sloooooowwwwwww
Me: Uh Huh, so do you need anything sent on the water taxi?
Supergirl: No
Me: You sure?
Supergirl: Yeah
Me: O.K., well you know where I am if you need anything. (Note to self: nexst year we're closing down and going somewhere to let our brains cool down)

High season starts in 2 weeks, so... in this interim slow period I've figured out

What Women Want
...on their bagels, of course.
French women want peanut butter on the side
Englander women want jam (sorry we only have jelly) or cream cheese and cucumbers
German women want cream cheese, not so much of it
Dutch women want cream cheese, lots of it
Italian women want cream cheese on the side and then seconds for free
Belgian women want cream cheese and salami or tomatoes
American women on the east coast want a schmear (what's a schmear?)
American women from the west coast want the cream cheese spread on then scraped off so there's only the essence of cream cheese. Is that too much work? Is this non-fat cream cheese? Do you have skim milk? I answer no to all of the above. However, I can put water in the milk and make it like skim milk if you want...

What Men want...
Something with meat and quick