Living La Vida Boca

Prior to moving to Chetumal Mexico I searched the internet for a Spanish school in Chetumal, to no avail. An acquaintance found me a private tutor, a Belizean man studying at the university and living in Chetumal. So at least once I week I get my Spanish class, which is tailored to what I need to survive here. I couldn’t imagine sitting through a public Spanish class and asking the teacher… “Como se dice ‘Do you have hormone cream for menopause’ in Espanole?”

How do you say “I am 48 and learning a new language.” In Spanish?

My first meeting with the Spanish Teacher established that I knew quite a few words, which made me proud. My pronunciation and grammar were, let’s say, not as good as the 3 year old who lives in the house behind us. I am unlearning all the bad Spanish grammar and pronunciation taught to me by Bigness so that people won’t laugh (and call me an idiot to my face) or get that puzzled look on their face which tells me “we think she is saying Spanish words, but what are they?” Bigness thinks my Spanish is already good enough, all he has to do now is to teach me the curse words.

My one saving grace is that I don’t care how stupid I sound. No, really, I don’t. And when I get real frustrated I revert to English, which has a startling effect on sales personnel (especially when I use the phase “No speaky Spanish” and turn my palms up). A couple of times the have answered me in English. And I wonder why they couldn’t have put me out of my misery a little sooner.

I came here with some misconceptions. I assumed I would start out asking questions in my mush mouth Spanish and invariably I would get an answer in English. I assumed that if the clerk didn’t understand me, he or she would find someone to interpret. I think every foreign country should be this nice when dealing with egotistical English speakers. NOT SO. Big new to me: in Mexico they speak SPANISH and in Chetumal, Mexico which borders an English speaking country, they have just started teaching English in High School THIS YEAR. Nobody is busting out in English here to rescue me when I refer to MYSELF as ustedes. For the non-Spanish speaker, a rough translation is that, I have a bad habit of referring to myself as YOU in the plural form. I just blunder through with my 100 phrases adapted and borrowed from. I just describe the thing if I don’t know the word for it, the colors, the size, and eventually someone understands my kitchen Spanish. I've stopped caring how ridiculous I sound when I point to the door and call it a window, because maybe someday “me talk pretty”. Yes, I actually pointed to the door at Sam’s Club and said “Abierto la ventana, por favor” and they opened the door, even though I had just called it a window. See... I’m making progress.

So now Bigness and I play a game when we are out shopping. I do all the talking – in SPANISH. And I only talk to him in ENGLISH and I act as a mentally challenegged interpreter for him. He lets me know how close I am to understanding what they are really saying. I get more respect that way, no one clicking their teeth at me. I would like to think it is because my Spanish is improving, but down deep I know it is because my ham fisted 6 foot 4 inch husband is so scary looking. I make excuses for myself trying to joke in Spanish and explain to the unsuspecting taxi driver or store clerk that my school for spanish is the telenovella (Spanish soap opera), it sometimes gets a chuckle, but most of the time I get a worried look.

Spanish Vocabulary

I know that SHUT UP is not a Spanish phrase so I say it quietly in English out of the corner of my mouth at the Mexican woman next to me at the internet cafe who is talking VERY LOUDLY on her cell phone. So loud I can hardly think, and then I tear off a peice of paper, wad it up and stick it in my ear on that side to try and block the conversation from which I understand 1 in 8 words, the rest sound like SLDKFJD CKLSDLKS SKDKFEOWK mi amore.
We are the only two here, so I don´t understand why she chose to sit right next to me where there are a dozen other computers. Must like my perfume or maybe I´m a people magnet again.

I look over to the attendant to give him the "please shut her up" look with my eyes, but he is busy chatting in messenger and managing his music downloads.

The Spanish teacher says that I should say:
"Senora, silencio, por favor" which translates to "Mrs. Lady, quiet please." but that would lead to other Spanish words which would lead to me having to say "Sorry, no speaky Spanish," ...again.

I would so the shush! sound but it would be mistaken for the hiss sound and that can only mean trouble for me, so for today I am just balling up a peice of paper and shoving it in my ear on that side.

Swine Flu Update 2

I´m typing from a Spanish keyboard, so if it my typing looks funny to you, imagine how it looks to me. My fingers don´t know quite what to do.

It seems that the crisis here is nearly over. Any suspected cases in Chetumal were mild, the patients treated and sent home the same day. The schools are still closed but will reopen soon. I am still not putting my fingers in my mouth or nose or eyes, so I feel pretty safe. Bigness is practicing covering his mouth when he sneezes, however, once the crisis is over, I imagine he will go back to being a directional spray nozzle again.

They closed the Corozal Free Zone in Belize and are guarding it with BDF soldiers since they estimate that 4000 people work and shop there daily. There have beenno reported cases of the flu in Belize as of today. Doctors on both sides of the Mexico/Belize border are standing by to assist any suspected cases trying to cross the border.

Store clerks are still wearing the blue masks though, which I kinda like since I can´t really see them snarling at me when they wear them properly covering the nose and mouth. I can hear, however the growls and gnashing teeth.

Swine Flu Update

The swine flu may have reached Chetumal, Mexico with 5 suspected cases in the hospital. They have closed the schools and have advised people to stay home for a while. I´m seeing about 1 in 10 people wearing the surgical masks. For myself I´m not high risk since I hardly ever leave the house anyway and I promised myself when I moved to Mexico to not stick my fingers in my mouth. I am most concerned with Belize closing its border with Mexico, that would really mess things up.
So I´m making preparations for a long quarantine, stocking up on food and medicine and hunkering down. My gut feeling is that as usual the media overblows everything and that its not as bad a they make it seem, but on the other hand...

Practice Makes Perfect

My Mom is coming for a short visit to escape from the frozen North.

So, Bigness and I are practicing:
Closing the bathroom door
Not talking with our mouths full of food
Eating with silverware

Things that he still need to work on:
Bathroom sounds and running commentary describing things even with the door closed, the prolific use of the word FOK and wearing shoes.

Things that I still need to work on:
Brushing my hair, the use of room spray and not walking around in my underwear

We wouldn´t want her to think we are animals of course, but when you´re not out there trying to impress someone, its amazing how you let things go.